How Much Money Should You Give Your Son as a Wedding Gift: UK Parent Guide

"How much did you give them?" It's almost impossible to dodge this question when wedding season strikes, right? Most parents walk a thin line between wanting to show love and worrying about setting the wrong expectation—or even igniting a private family scandal. When it’s your son getting married, the pressure can feel even bigger. After all, you want your present to say: we’re proud, we’re invested, and we’re not about to outshine the in-laws… or leave everyone talking for years.

The Unofficial Rules: Tradition, Modern Trends, and What Actually Matters

Let’s start with a good old fact: British parents aren't bound by ancient rules about giving money for a son’s wedding. There’s no exact number everyone whispers at the pub. Tradition has changed heaps in the past thirty years. Back in the old days, the bride’s family typically covered the costs, and the groom’s side looked after rehearsals or maybe put some money towards the honeymoon. These days? Couples are older, weddings are massive and varied or super low-key, and parents chip in all sorts of ways—sometimes not at all. According to a 2024 survey from Hitched UK, around 40% of wedding budgets now come from parents, but how much money parents give as an actual gift is usually far less fixed.

Here’s what absolutely matters though: whatever you decide, your gift is meaningful because it’s from you. There’s no scoreboard. Some parents go big, covering £10,000 or more in wedding expenses, but the actual "wedding gift"—the money in the envelope—ranges wildly. On average, UK parents give their child between £500 and £5,000 as a wedding gift. Some give a family heirloom or offer to pay for a once-in-a-lifetime honeymoon. Others might buy houseware or pitch in for a house deposit. Oddly enough, the thing most sons and their new spouses remember? The thought behind the gift, and how it fits their lives today.

And if you’re already worrying about what the other side of the family is doing—the classic in-law comparison game—trust me, it’s never worth the stress. If you stick to what feels right for your own finances and relationship, you’re already doing the right thing.

There’s space for creativity, too. Some parents organise a post-wedding treat—think a weekend in the Lake District or a year of meal kits delivered to help with ‘real life’ after the confetti falls. You don’t have to compete with Pinterest-perfect weddings or Instagram-famous gifting."

Budgeting for a Wedding Gift: What to Consider Before You Write That Cheque

Stop and breathe before getting carried away. It’s so tempting to stretch further than you can really afford, especially with wedding fever running high. Here’s the truth: nobody benefits if you dip into your retirement, cancel family holidays, or take out a sneaky loan just to give an impressive number. Your future matters, too.

Start with a clear look at your finances. Are you debt-free? Can you cover your regular bills and savings goals without sweating? If you’re on a pension, factor in upcoming expenses. If your son’s wedding is the next ‘big thing’ in your life, and you’ve been saving for this moment, great. If not, get honest about what’s realistic for you.

If you do want to gift cash, experts like Martin Lewis (of Money Saving Expert) often remind people to consider the "impact gift"—a sum that’s significant for the couple, but doesn’t shake your stability. That’s why there’s such a range in wedding gift giving across the UK. In Brighton, the cost of living makes most local parents lean on the lower side, averaging around £1,000 as a cash gift. It’s not about being stingy; it’s about not creating new problems or resentment down the road.

Gifting doesn’t need to be all or nothing, either. If you can't give much now, maybe offer regular help—like covering a subscription, a romantic meal out every month, or stepping in for babysitting after they start a family. These gifts are worth more than you’d think. Money is helpful, yes, but ongoing support, advice, and involvement matter just as much.

And here's a tip that's often overlooked: talk to your son and his partner, either openly or with a little subtlety (if surprises matter). Ask what they'd appreciate most. Maybe they'd rather have help with the honeymoon than a cash lump sum. Or perhaps they're eyeing a house and your help gets them over the deposit line. Clear communication avoids disappointment and makes your efforts hit home, not just the bank account.

Don’t forget about the taxman if you're tempted to give a really big chunk. In the UK, gifts of up to £5,000 to a child for their wedding are exempt from inheritance tax. If you’re thinking of giving tens of thousands, it’s worth a quick look at the HMRC website—or even asking a financial adviser—to make sure it's wrapped up nicely, tax-wise. The last thing you want to gift your son is an unexpected bill a few years down the line.

And you know what? Not all gifts have to be cash. A family ring, a painting, or something your son will remember you by—these top the charts for 'most cherished' items, especially years down the line when nobody even remembers the size of the cheque.

Balancing Fairness, Emotion, and Practicality: Tips for Gifting Right

The heart of the matter? Your relationship with your son. Money is wrapped up with so much emotion—pride, guilt, gratitude, even a bit of worry about future expectations. You want your gift to be generous but not uncomfortable, special but sincere. If you have more than one child, keep fairness in mind. How you gift to your son today often sets the bar for future weddings of daughters or younger siblings. It's tricky to navigate, but open, honest conversations now are better than unspoken comparisons or sour feelings later.

Don’t get stranded trying to 'match' the other family’s gift. Every family is different. Maybe your son’s new in-laws have big resources—or they’re much more modest. There’s no need for a gift-off that drags out the awkwardness and makes the couple feel caught in the middle. No one remembers who spent more. What they do remember is support that feels personal.

Here’s another good point: give the gift directly to your son and his spouse, however you want (a pretty envelope, a bank transfer with a lovely note, or a gift turned into an experience). Make it about them, not the show. If you’re giving an object or family treasure, explain its story. These little rituals become the memory, not the cash amount.

Feeling stumped for ideas besides money? Try these real-life examples from Brighton and further afield—

• Some parents paid for a mini-moon: a few days in Cornwall once the big day buzz faded.
• One couple gave their son a framed letter from his late grandmother, tucked in next to a wedding cheque—he said it moved him more than anything else.
• A family clubbed together and covered language courses for the bride and groom to prepare for their round-the-world trip—practical, fun, supportive.
• Several split the difference: parents covered the bar tab at the reception, then included a smaller cash envelope labelled ‘just for you two’.

So, how much should you give your son for his wedding? There’s no magic number, no secret formula. Only what feels right for your wallet and your heart. If you stick with a sincere, thoughtful approach, talk openly, and never let the pressure of tradition or comparison take over, you’ll give a wedding gift that actually means something—maybe even more in ten or twenty years than the day itself. Go with what makes you proud, and trust that, in all the ways that matter, it’ll be remembered as just right.